Can you hold both?
I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of both and.
I recently had a conversation with a client who said the world feels like it’s falling apart. And at the same time, he was very clear about one thing. He didn’t want to lead with that. He didn’t want his message to come from a place of doom or gloom or negativity, even though that heaviness is real. He wanted to lead with hope. With optimism. With a sense of what’s possible.
I paused and said, “Both can exist at the same time.”
We can acknowledge that the world feels heavy and still choose not to lead from despair. We can name the tension and also choose to orient ourselves toward solutions, community, and forward motion. That tension can live in the same space.
And I think there’s something else in here too. Don’t feel guilty for feeling okay. Or for feeling joy. Or for looking into your child’s face and smiling because their eyes reflect the future and something hopeful and beautiful. That joy doesn’t negate the suffering. It doesn’t mean you aren’t paying attention. It means you’re human.
This reminded me of an interview I listened to not too long ago. Ezra Klein was interviewing Patti Smith, and about three-quarters of the way through the conversation she said it’s still okay to feel joy among suffering. That line stayed with me.
So I’ve been asking myself, what are the small ways we can lighten a day, even when things feel heavy?
Yesterday on the subway, I was reminded of that question. I always carry an extra pair of socks with me. I started doing this after being inspired by Adina Lichtman, who founded a nonprofit here in New York City called Knock Knock Give a Sock. She learned early on that when she was handing out sandwiches to people who were unhoused, one man asked her, “Where’s the socks? I need socks.” That moment turned into a movement. She built a nonprofit around bringing people together, sitting at tables with folks living in shelters, hearing their stories, and making sure people had socks. She even went door to door in her dorm collecting thousands of them.
Because of her, I carry socks everywhere with me during the winter months.
And yesterday, on the subway ride home, it was freezing. Snowing. There was a man sitting across from me with no socks on, just weathered tennis shoes. We made eye contact. I handed him the socks and he lit up! I have rarely seen that kind of pure joy. He giggled with happiness as he put them on. Giggled.
As I got off the train, we locked eyes again. I said, “Have a good evening.” He smiled.
I almost didn’t give him the socks, because there is always the fear of rejection or making an assumption that isn’t welcomed. I wanted to avoid that awkward energy that can live in the space between doing something kind and not knowing how it will land. But I’m really glad I did.
I’m sharing all of this because we live in a complicated world. And I still believe that where there is tension, there can also be connection.
So I’ll leave you with this. What are you holding right now? And is there a small way you can use your voice, your presence, or a simple action to move things forward, even just a little?